What I Want Every Person to Know Before Divorce: Preparing Yourself Financially, Emotionally, and Practically

By Erin K. Colgan, Angiuli & Gentile

Divorce is not something most people plan for. It’s a decision often built over months or even years, layered with uncertainty, fear, and grief. And even when you know divorce is the right choice for your situation, the process can feel overwhelming—especially in the early stages.

As a matrimonial attorney serving families across Staten Island, I regularly speak with clients who share the same reflection:

“I wish I had known what to do sooner.”

Many come into my office unsure of what documents to collect, what steps to take next, or how to emotionally prepare for the road ahead. That’s why I created this guide. It’s designed to help you feel grounded during a difficult transition, so you can prepare thoughtfully—not reactively.

Below are the essential areas you should focus on when preparing for divorce: your finances, your health, your children, your support system, and your legal rights.

Understand Your Financial Reality

Your financial life will be one of the most important elements of your divorce. Whether you anticipate a simple separation or a complex asset division, understanding your finances is the foundation of any smart divorce plan.

Gather Key Financial Documents

Start by pulling together all relevant financial records from the last few years. These documents will provide insight into your household income, assets, and debts—each of which will play a central role in your divorce settlement or court case.

Begin collecting:

• Federal and state tax returns from the past three years
• Pay stubs or income statements for both you and your spouse
• Recent bank account statements, including checking, savings, and money market accounts
• Mortgage statements, leases, or property deeds
• Retirement account statements (401(k), IRA, pensions)
• Credit card and loan account balances
• Life insurance or annuity documentation
• Documentation related to business interests or investments, if applicable

Make both physical and digital copies of everything. You’ll need them throughout the process for your attorney, the court, and for your own records.

Run a Credit Report

Running a credit report is a proactive way to protect yourself. Many people discover accounts they didn’t know existed—or debts tied to their name that they didn’t authorize.

You are legally entitled to one free credit report per year from each of the three major credit bureaus: Experian, Equifax, and TransUnion. You can request all three through the website AnnualCreditReport.com.

Review the report carefully for:

• Joint accounts that may need to be closed
• Unknown credit cards or loans
• Delinquencies or missed payments
• Any discrepancies in your credit history

Understanding your credit score and existing obligations will be helpful not only in your divorce but also in planning for your financial future post-divorce, including housing, car loans, or new credit applications.

Know the Income Picture

In New York, support calculations—whether child support or spousal maintenance—depend on accurate income information. This includes more than just base salary. Income can also include:

• Overtime or hazard pay
• Bonuses and commissions
• Side income or freelance work
• Business revenue or distributions
• Deferred compensation or unvested stock

You should also be aware of your spouse’s income sources, especially if they are self-employed or receive bonuses. Understanding the full income picture helps ensure that any proposed support or asset division is fair and accurate.

Prioritize Your Health Before Coverage Changes

Divorce is not only legally and financially stressful—it can take a physical and emotional toll as well. Many people unintentionally neglect their health during this time, which only compounds the pressure.

Use Your Current Insurance Benefits

If you’re currently on your spouse’s health insurance plan, it’s important to use those benefits while you still have access. After a divorce, your eligibility for that plan will end, and you may need to purchase your own coverage or apply for COBRA.

Schedule necessary appointments now, such as:

• Annual physical exams
• Routine dental cleanings and X-rays
• Eye exams and prescription updates
• Mammograms, cholesterol screenings, or other preventive tests
• Specialist visits for chronic conditions
• Refills of any necessary prescriptions

It’s also a good time to request copies of your medical records and clarify which providers you might want to continue with after the divorce.

Don’t Overlook Emotional Support

While some people process divorce without outside help, many benefit from counseling or therapy. Speaking to a licensed therapist gives you a safe space to process grief, uncertainty, anger, or fear—emotions that often surface during separation.

You may also want to look into:

• Divorce support groups (local or online)
• Workshops or seminars for navigating life transitions
• Parenting therapy if children are involved

Strong emotional support is not a sign of weakness. It’s a tool that can help you make better decisions and maintain your well-being through a challenging period.

Build a Personal Support System

Legal and financial guidance is only part of the picture. Having the right people around you—emotionally and practically—can make a major difference in how supported and steady you feel.

Identify Trusted Individuals

Who in your life can you rely on? This may include:

• A sibling or close relative
• A long-time friend or co-worker
• A clergy member, mentor, or coach

Let one or two people know what you’re going through. They don’t need every detail of your situation, but having someone check in on you or simply listen when things get hard can make the journey far less isolating.

Ask for help with specific tasks like:

• Watching your children during attorney meetings or court appearances
• Helping you organize paperwork or records
• Accompanying you to appointments

Be Mindful of Boundaries

While it’s helpful to have support, be selective about who you involve. Divorce can spark strong opinions. Confide in people who:

• Respect your privacy
• Don’t pressure you to make fast decisions
• Can offer emotional steadiness, not just emotional reaction

A small, dependable support circle can provide clarity during a time when emotions may otherwise cloud your judgment.

Stay Organized When It Comes to Your Children

If you’re a parent, your children are likely your top priority during this transition. Divorce will affect them too, and courts in New York require clear, organized, and child-focused parenting information when determining custody and parenting plans.

Track Your Parenting Role

You don’t need to be perfect—but you should be engaged and informed. Start gathering information related to:

• Daily and weekly school schedules
• Report cards or progress reports
• Contact information for teachers and school staff
• Medical and dental appointment records
• Names of therapists, specialists, or support staff
• Copies of IEPs or 504 plans if your child has special needs

Consider keeping a shared calendar to help demonstrate involvement and awareness of your child’s routine.

Begin Drafting a Parenting Plan

Even if you’re still on speaking terms with your co-parent, or if you expect conflict, begin thinking about what kind of parenting schedule might work. This can include:

• Weekday and weekend visitation
• School pick-up and drop-off routines
• Holidays and vacation arrangements
• Guidelines for decision-making about education, religion, and medical care

Being proactive about parenting logistics not only helps your attorney—it helps the court see that you are centered on your child’s well-being, which is the core of any custody evaluation.

Speak With a Divorce Lawyer Early

One of the most common misconceptions I hear is that people believe they should only contact a divorce lawyer once they’re absolutely certain they want to file.

The truth is: speaking to a lawyer early—before any paperwork is filed—is one of the best decisions you can make.

Why Early Legal Advice Matters

An early consultation can provide:

• Clarity on your rights and obligations
• Guidance about what to do—and what not to do—before filing
• Insight into how custody, spousal support, or property division may apply in your case
• A checklist of documents to begin collecting
• Advice about living arrangements, finances, and timing

You are not committing to divorce by meeting with an attorney. You are giving yourself the gift of preparation and knowledge.

Choose the Right Legal Partner

Look for an attorney with experience in:

• Staten Island family law and divorce cases
• Both contested and uncontested matters
• Complex custody or financial arrangements
• High-asset or business-owner divorce cases, if applicable

At Angiuli & Gentile, LLP, we focus not just on legal outcomes, but on helping our clients feel informed, supported, and empowered every step of the way.

Preparation Is Protection, Not Conflict

Being prepared doesn’t mean you’re trying to start a fight. It means you’re protecting yourself, your children, and your future.

Preparation gives you clarity in the midst of chaos. It ensures that decisions are made from a place of confidence—not crisis. And it helps you transition into the next phase of your life with dignity, stability, and peace of mind.

Whether you’re planning to file soon or simply weighing your options, taking the steps outlined in this guide will serve you well.

Frequently Asked Questions About Preparing for Divorce

Do I need to be legally separated before I can file for divorce in New York?

No, legal separation is not required before filing for divorce in New York. While some couples choose to formally separate through a separation agreement, you can file for divorce without this step if you meet the residency requirements and cite one of New York’s legal grounds for divorce, such as irretrievable breakdown of the marriage for at least six months.

Should I talk to a lawyer even if I’m not sure I want to file?

Yes. A consultation with a divorce attorney doesn’t mean you are committing to divorce—it simply allows you to understand your legal options, rights, and risks. Early advice can help you make informed decisions, avoid common mistakes, and protect your interests, even if you ultimately decide not to move forward.

Will I lose my health insurance during the divorce process?

If you are currently covered under your spouse’s health insurance, your coverage typically continues during the divorce but will end once the divorce is finalized. At that point, you may be eligible for COBRA continuation coverage or need to enroll in your own insurance through an employer or the NY State of Health marketplace.

This is why it’s important to schedule medical appointments and fill prescriptions before your current coverage ends.

Can I move out of the marital home before filing for divorce?

It depends. Moving out can affect issues like child custody or access to certain property. In some cases, staying in the home is advised until temporary agreements or court orders are in place. In others, especially where safety is a concern, leaving may be necessary.

Always speak with a divorce attorney before moving out to avoid unintended legal consequences.

How long does a divorce take in Staten Island?

The timeline varies. An uncontested divorce can take a few months, while contested cases involving custody, property disputes, or business ownership can take a year or more. Staten Island courts may also have longer scheduling timelines due to caseload.

Early preparation, legal counsel, and cooperation between parties can significantly reduce delays.

Contact Angiuli & Gentile, LLP Today

If you’re considering divorce, or even if you just have questions about your rights, we invite you to speak with an experienced Staten Island divorce attorney.

At Angiuli & Gentile, LLP, we provide clear legal guidance and compassionate support through every phase of your divorce. Whether your case is amicable or contentious, simple or complex, we will help you prepare fully, act strategically, and protect what matters most.

Contact us today to schedule your confidential consultation. Let’s begin this process together—with preparation, strength, and clarity.